Pontiac Trans Am, Nissan 300ZX, Mitsubishi 3000GT: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

The Civic is an all-star cheap enthusiast car. Honda sells approximately 3.6 billion of them every year, so you can trip over listings for cheap ones all day long — there are just so many, supply and demand works out in your favor. Just don’t expect to get a Type R or an Si for cheap.

EG hatchbacks, however, can be found cheap easily. This one’s got a newer engine, a fantastic paint job, and a clean interior, and it’s still below $4,000 — and that’s asking price.

This is the car that inspired my Marketplace dumpster diving for the week. As I aimlessly browsed Marketplace, this angular assemblage of red and rust jumped off the page. I love this era of Trans Ams and Camaros, for reasons that even I do not understand, and this one — patina and all — is no exception.

What kind of shape is the interior in? Who knows! The undercarriage? It has one, probably! This is the only photo in the listing, and the ad just describes it as “running and driving” with some recent repairs listed, so it’s a true lootbox of a vehicle. I love it.

Now, a minivan may not sound like the first pick for an enthusiast car, but consider this: Minivans rule, actually. They rule so hard, and anyone who disparages them simply isn’t comfortable enough with themselves to enjoy a practical, comfortable vehicle. That’s on you, bud.

Regardless, this isn’t just any minivan — it’s a Previa, with its four-cylinder engine tucked well between its axles. How many other mid-engine cars are you going to find under $5,000 in this economy?

This BMW 733i doesn’t come with much in the way of ad copy, but the photos tell enough of a story: This is a 7-series with access to large, wind-powered boats. This is an important factor to consider when adopting a large BMW sedan, as they need an ample supply of marine vinyl and Sperry Docksiders in order to replicate their natural environment.

This BMW has clearly been treated well, as its paint has taken on a bright blue shade not dissimilar from clear marina waves. It just looks right in this scene, don’t you think? Doesn’t it look like it belongs?

Imagine, if you will: Seven-eighths scale Twister. The tornadoes only go up to a middling EF4, Dorothy is built with a five-gallon hardware store bucket, and Bill Harding (probably played by Tom Holland for proper scale, given Hollywood’s casting preferences, though I’d put my vote in for James McAvoy) drives a bright red Dodge Dakota.

Is this movie better than Twister in any meaningful way? Almost certainly not. Is it worse? Probably, given that they’d likely give the project to J.J. Abrams, who would immediately decide that tornadoes actually are Jo’s dad. This would be a big sequel-setup reveal, and Abrams would leave some other writer and director to explain what the fuck that even means. 2wister would still be a Bad Robot production, though.

I present, in full, the Marketplace ad for this Bug:

Engin ruan, start don’t need trade welcome new harness came with it

This has to be an owner who got in over their head, right? Picked up a project car that came with a new wiring harness, fiddled with it until it sputtered to life, then relisted it to try and make a quick buck without fixing any of the actual wiring issues. As someone who’s tried that move with motorcycles, it never works as well as you hope.

The 300ZX is one car that the Canadians and Australians got right, rather than any of us here in the States. “Three Hundred Zee Ex” doesn’t roll off the tongue — say it too fast, and the letters start to blend into “zeex.” Great name for an Animorphs villain, worse name for a car.

Australia and Canada have a better approach, though. “Three Hundred Zed Ex” gives us an extra consonant to work with, breaks up the letters into their own individual parts. Even mashing them together — “zedex” — is clear, intelligible to the listener. It also rules as a word, and I am changing my middle name to it as soon as I can figure out the paperwork.

This Dodge is poorly named. The portmanteau Transtar makes you think it’s a star of transportation — or at least good at transportation. To meet that definition, one would expect this Transtar to be capable of moving from one place to another under its own power.

But this, unfortunately, is not the case. The Transtar has no engine, making it in fact very difficult to haul around. The seller claims its dually rear axle even makes trailering difficult, and that a special oversized tow rig is needed just to get the van to move. I would not call this Trnstar a star of anything, except perhaps “being very cheap” and “having cool paint.”

Our search for budget vehicles has given us a lot of beaters — cars that have been hacked apart, staples back together, and painted with acetone on a hot, humid day. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can save money and get a perfectly fun daily driver, you just need to sacrifice a couple of wheels.

This is a 2010 Ninja 250, notable for being the era when Kawasaki had updated the Ninja’s styling but left its carburetor intact (in the U.S., at least). Can you get a sleeker-looking, more modern-styled vehicle with a petcock? I can’t think of one off the top of my head.

Of course, who needs a petcock when you could let electrons do the work? I’ve been riding an electric motorcycle this past week (keep your eyes peeled for a review to come), and it’s been such a fun reminder of how great EVs can be. Anyone who says electric power is soulless or boring hasn’t experienced the torque surge of an EV’s flat powerband — it’s an experience unlike any internal combustion engine, and it’s a joy.

This Leaf is, admittedly, probably less fun than a motorcycle. I admit that. But I’d counter that it’s likely more fun than comparably-priced hatchbacks — a Fit may beat it out with lightweight and nimble handling, sure, but would you rather own a Spark than this? I wouldn’t.

It’s kind of amazing, when you think about it, that the LS400 didn’t come with a V12 engine. Toyota could have split the development costs with the then-upcoming second-generation Century, and had one of the smoothest cars ever to be seen on this planet earth. But, no, we got the V8.

Yet, we got such a smooth V8. We all remember the Balance commercial (says the writer who’s younger than the ad campaign), so perhaps Toyota simply didn’t need to add the extra work — and the associated extra development cost.

The 3000GT must be one of the best-looking cars for the price, right? Is there anything that offers a stronger looks-to-dollars ratio? The GTO is sleek, low, sporty, curvy — it’s a perfect bubble-era sports car.

This naturally aspirated version may not have the performance to back up those looks, but at least it still has a manual transmission. If you can look cool while you have fun rowing your own gears through a twisty road, who needs outright power?

Remember that Ninja, where you could get a mint-looking 13-year-old bike for under $5,000? What if wanted to go even newer, get something even more reliable and ready to bop around the city? Well, my friend, you’d end up with a Grom.

The Grom looks to be one of the few pure joys in the automotive world. They’re like if supermotos couldn’t take themselves seriously, if pit bikes had plates and suspension travel. They’re just here to have fun, and for that I love them.

You should spend $3,200 on a boat. That isn’t much money for a boat, and after spending just $3,200 you will own a boat. There will certainly be no other costs beyond the $3,200 that you will need to invest in your boat. This is a good idea.

They say “break out another thousand,” but what if you break out three thousands? And then also two hundreds, on top of that, for a sum total of $3,200? This seems like an excellent one-time investment, that will surely never cost you another dime.

I do feel that, in my time thus far with Dopest, I’ve omitted some of the most beloved Jalop vehicles: Wagons. There simply hasn’t been enough wagon representation in these hallowed slides, and for that I deeply apologize. I am locking myself in Rory’s office while he’s not there and serving my penance (eating the four-year-old s’more ingredients I found in a toolbox).

While I do that, though, take a look at this XC70. It looks perfectly clean, tip to tail, besides the pesky little “salvage title” detail. It’s a Volvo, they’re safe. I’m sure it’s fine, and was repaired to be just as good as new.